As I sit to write this, I am consumed with an overflowing amount of gratitude. This has been a journey full of twists and turns, ups and downs, happy moments and moments where you have to pick yourself up out of a hole in the ground. This is a time that no matter what, you know that you can count on family. A time when you don't know the outcome but you know the end of this story will be a good one because light always conquers darkness.
A little while ago, after going to 19 plus doctors, I was diagnosed with a Mycoplasma infection. It was in my blood, tissues, bone, and cartilage. A large amount had settled in my brain and face. I had a blood irradiation procedure done along with many other things and am currently waiting for my body to kick in. The power of prayer has kept me alive.
I have learned about a cycle that has molded a part of my soul. Through a thick and saturating amount of brain fog, I can still feel the learning process grow and take shape.
First, to have hope. This is perhaps the hardest part. You have to do some digging and when you begin to dig, your hole is so deep that you are mostly on your knees. You are finding out what you are made of and where your strength is truly coming from.
Then comes the faith and even though it starts as a tiny grain of sand...it begins to grow. You then have sand that sits in a small pile in the palm of your hand and as the pile slowly gets bigger it begins to gently sift through your fingers. You dream of the day when your sand of faith will fill beaches.
Next is receiving the miracle. This takes patience. It is excruciatingly painful. Many times we cannot see during this particular step. This causes us to exercise an abundant amount of trust. Our relationship with the Savior gets stronger and we draw closer to Him.
Sometimes it takes days, weeks, months, and even years but eventually you begin to be filled with the peace and can literally feel that you are being carried. Your eyes are usually opened when you look
back at this step because when you are going through the fire, you can not feel.
After you receive the miracle, your faith is restored. This is by far, the best part of the journey. There is opposition in all things and this is when you bask in the rays of unimaginable happiness. There really are no words to describe the new awakening of joy that surges through your body to the tips of every extremity. Gratitude takes over and for a period of time that is all you feel.
The healing process feels so good.
(Justin and Mom have constantly made sure I was feed, comfortable, and having a teeny bit of fun for the last few years.)
Another huge lesson I am learning is: You can change the tone of the adversity you are facing.
I remember a particularly hard day that I was having, my mom came home from a meeting and said, "Your trial is our blessing."
I thought, "Who says that?"
These past years, though difficult have been some of the most fun ones I have ever had. I'm blessed to be surrounded by people that have overcome hard things and have had a sense of humor. Laughing is powerful and healing.
I feel grateful to reap so much service. It is overwhelming. I have had friends come clean my home, meals brought in, my kids have been taken and dropped off to school each day, babysitting, surprise visits, phone calls and texts, plates of goodies, letters in the mail, I have been serenaded to (by Luke haha), received flowers and many prayers have been uttered in my behalf.
So many have gone above and beyond and I feel a great bond with each.
I am full to the brim, my cup runneth over.
