The Best Parts of Life are Little Things...Unless it's a Gaint Bubble!

I have been craving to play with giant bubbles all summer. I had found a bubble wand online and had it shipped to my house. It was like Christmas when I opened the package! The day we were getting ready to use it...we could not find it anywhere. I was rather bummed to say the least. We searched EVERYWHERE and spent hours looking for the wand.

Last night I could not scoot a bin back under our bed and Justin looked to see what was going on. He pulled some stuff out and BAM! There it was.

As soon as the boys woke up, still in their jammies and bed head, we had to try it out!

Bubbles with the boys, made my top 5 this summer. It was a BLAST!

The grass got so slippery that Mammy's feet flew out from under her. I think secretly that was our favorite moment because it was so funny.

Celebrate....or Cry

This is something I will definitely be doing each year. Kendall and I left the school and headed home to clean up and get ready for our party. It gave us something really fun to do and focus on so that we wouldn't be sad. I can see myself doing back to school parties even when my kids are in high school...it's just something that helps me deal:).

The weekend before, we got together and made crayons and pencils. We lined the table up with paper sacks so that after the party we could paint. We ate bagel sandwiches and filled out Nathan's first day questionnaire.

What did you eat for breakfast?
Biscuits and sausage gravy.

What did you wear to school?
A Basketball shirt and black shorts.

What was your favorite part of the day at school?
I loved recess because we got to play a really fun game.

What was the game?
Girls chase boys! That's the game I always play. (Yikes...Should I be worried?)

What else did you like?
I loved working at my desk and got my tote out. I got to sharpen some colored pencils. It was fun to have Joey in my class, and we get to have 3 recesses.

(He had a bandaid on his knee) What happened to your knee?
I tripped and fell hard on the sidewalk. My knee was bleeding out of all the black marks. I had to go to the clinic and get a bandaid.

Did you cry?
No.

Any thing else?
Yeah, my other favorite part of the day was when you picked me up. Oh, and I really want to learn more math this year.

The Inevitable Happens

I must admit, that saying goodbye Kindergarten thing, was much harder than saying goodbye to a first grader. Only now I get a bit of a pit in my stomach because he will be gone all day, every day.

On our way to school Nathan said to me, "Mom, I kinda excited and nervous." I said to him, "You wanna know something, Nathan? So am I!" We both started laughing and then went into review mode practice situations and scenarios and making sure he had his theme song in his head, ready to go to if he ran into trouble.

The Drop off went smooth and we waited for the bell. In he went and I had a little lump in my throat. Thank goodness I still have Kendall. I turned to him and asked, "Well, what should we do now?" He very matter of fact said, "Welp, we better go get ready for our party!" I couldn't agree with him more.

We went one way, leaving Nathan the other. Yikes.

First Grade Chapter

I love to kick this time of year off with a tradition I grew up having. A date, just the two of us, to purchase school supplies. Mom and child.

We start it off by going and getting something to eat, then heading to the store and the supply isle for as long as we want. We take our time picking out each folder and pencil, keeping in mind that color is very important at this age. Next, we end it by getting a treat to bring to the guys keeping the home fires burning.

The supplies are then strung out across the living room floor and Kendall is in awe of all the neat stuff. The boys pack Nathan's backpack and have it sitting on the hook until back to school night.

It's finally time to see where the new supplies will find it's home for the next nine months and meet the teacher that will be spending more time with my child than I will, sniff, sniff.

We fall in love with Mrs. Abrams and get excited that Nathan's buddy is in the same class. Kendall helps Nathan do his scavenger hunt and get familiar with the room.

First grade is going to be AWESOME!!!

Hope and Healing

We all have experienced moments in our life that are pivotal and play a huge role in how you will continue or change your path. After exhausting all options at the end of a 2 and a half year battle, I received a gift. One that I hold most precious and priceless above all. To tell you the truth, I was expecting my gift to be some kind of medical breakthrough, a magical pill that would be able to heal my body and my brain.

For years I have struggled with depression and anxiety, that later I would find out were a direct result from a physical illness. My nervous system was malfunctioning and I could not control what was happening to my body.

I would be in the most beautiful bed of flowers, with a sunset glowing behind purple mountains. I would be snuggling my babies and my husband would be standing next to me with his arm around my shoulders.... and I could not feel. It was extremely uncomfortable and waves of panic and anxiety would fill my body. The feelings hit me harder than a freight train.

I could not get a reprieve and my entire digestive system was a wreck. I had constant blackouts and the urge to faint every time I drove a vehicle, entered a store, or church. The pounds started to melt off my body as I had no appetite. I was constantly shaking and found my brain in a constant fog, I could not think for the world and felt terrified all the time.

I felt scared and alone and woke up each morning only to find that my nightmare would start all over again. There were some mornings that I would wait until the clock said 3:45am and quietly leave my house to climb in bed with my mom hoping that she could comfort me in ways Justin couldn't. No luck. There was no relief for me anywhere. I felt so alone.

I could not figure out why everyone else who I had talked to that battled with anxiety and depression were eventually getting better and I was not. I would proceed to ask them if they had ringing in their ears, sensitivity to light, short of breath while reading to your kids or singing the hymns at church. Blackouts when getting out of the shower or entering the store or church. I had a list of other strange symptoms and quiet frankly felt like I wasn't going to make it another year. I was in my own personal Gethsemane and time was running out. I would ask Doctors and others my strange symptoms and no one had any answers for me. I prayed and prayed along with my Justin and my mom that I would be able to find someone who would have some answers to my symptoms.

In the meantime, I miscarried a baby, which added a downward tailspin. My hormones were all over the charts and I was unable to produce progesterone. It was emotionally draining and was adding complications to our already impossible conception issues. This was hard and I felt the rock bottom impact of the chain of events. My world was out of control and I was hurting in every way.

My family was beyond worried and I had not one bit of hope left in my sick body. They held fasts and constantly prayed for me. I had priesthood blessings that offered comfort and gave me the strength to endure one more day. Doctor after doctor, and specialists never had any concrete answers. I had tried several medications and went through 3 different counselors- which by the way, gave me amazing tools that I will use the rest of my life- sick or not. Acupuncture and chiropractic sessions mixed with hours of research online trying to find out what was wrong with me. Exercise and various diets were tried. I read several books on anxiety and depression and tried a well known natural doctor. I felt I could not last and had several days where I was hanging on by my fingernails. I had an awesome support system, Justin, my parents, brothers, sister in laws, Aunts, cousins, and friends all were helping me in ways they will never know.

Then, unexpectedly I was given a miracle in the form of a girl I had never met. Through a series of events that happened in one day, I ended up on the phone with my cousin. My blood pressure was rock bottom, I was extremely symptomatic and I was on the brink of fainting on the floor of the grocery store. My cousin had a friend, her best friend, that dealt with fainting spells on a daily basis as well. She put me in touch with her and that is when the magic happened.

After telling her about my "strange" symptoms and my 2 and a half year battle, she quietly paused and said, "I think you have my illness." She gave me a website and told me to look it over and to call her back. While I was going through the checklist, I noticed every single one of my symptoms were on the list. I had many emotions running through my body. I did not want an illness, but I knew I had this. I called her back and we both cried.

I went to the Doctor the next day and it was confirmed that I had dysautonomia, a form of POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome).

Since that day, I have spent hours and hours on the phone with her. She has since put me in contact with her doctor, and I am fianlly getting the treatment that enables me to manage this illness. She quickly became a close friend and certainly the only person I have ever known that could truly, fully understand what I am going through. She has battled this illness and has filled me up with hope. I have had many conversations full of laughter and tears. I know all about her family and her struggles. We have shared many things we feel so deeply about and our connection is indescribable. I am so grateful that my cousin shared her with me. She has given me an angel.

We share the same illness and the same beliefs. And in a way, she saved my life. To me, she is even more than a best friend. A little person Heavenly Father wrapped up and divinely placed in my path. She gave me the last piece to my impossible 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle.

She lives 12 hours away and with our busy schedules and families I thought it wouldn't be until next summer that I would get to meet her, but the stars aligned and it got to be sooner. She was on her way to Education week, in Utah with her parents and on a whim they decided to go through my city. It was late and an opportunity that I would never let fall through the cracks, presented itself. We were able to meet up north, she with her parents and me with my mom. I felt as if it were Christmas and could barely contain my excitement and nerves. We ran toward each other and embraced. My voice on the other end of the phone that had gotten me through so much now had a face. My kindred spirit.

Although I am still struggling with this illness, it has gotten SO much better. I have my life back and am learning how to manage life with POTS. I am healing slowly and am not alone anymore. I am finally at the point where I can say that I am grateful for this experience. I have learned so much about the enabling power of the atonement. I have hope again and that feels so good to say. I treasure all that I have gained and learned from this and hope I may be able to help someone the way my new friend has helped me.

Mornings

When we don't have to be anywhere in the morning, our routine goes something like this:

Snuggle and wake up the other brother that is not up yet
Eat breakfast: eggs and toast or warmed up granola
Get EVERY blanket and pillow that we own and find a place to build a rather large fort. Most popular place to be: Mom and dad's room or the living room.
Turn on the music
Get most of the stuffed animals inside fort as well as 89 books
Spend 2-4 hours playing house or dog and owner in the fort
Have lots of snacks in between

The Lazy Days...

We waited and waited for Justin to get home from work. He filled up the inner tubes I had picked up from the tire store earlier that week. I grabbed the towels, everyone's old shoes, and Mammy. We piled into the car and headed over to the Platte Canyon River.

We left our stuff on the shore threw the tubes in the river and worked out who would go with who. Justin and I got into position each with a son and proceeded to wedge our bums into the center our the tube.

Clunk! We bottomed out. Literally. We sunk our floatation devices. The means to an enjoyable evening float down the river was gone...poof. We looked at each other fully submerged and started laughing. Hey! What happened to my girlish figure? Looks like our lazy float will be postponed until Justin can add more air to the tubes...a lot more air.

The boys were just the right weight to still have a tubing experience so we stayed in a little area and played. Mammy spun them around and around and Justin taunted them by the rapids.

Day Trip

Justin left for work as usual and we started packing lunches and the pool bag. Just when I was finishing, Justin called. Change of plans. He had a meeting up in Avon for work and wanted us to go for a drive up to the mountains with him. Sure!

While he was in his meeting, we found a park to play at. The boys were in heaven exploring by a little stream, looking off a dock watching all the paddle boats, and playing on the playground. I was in heaven sitting on the grass feeling the summer breeze blow off the lake and watching the boys play. We ate our lunches, watched the clouds, and waited for Justin's meeting to unfortunately end.

Soda Lake...Beach

Can't make it to the coast of Florida? The next best thing? Grab the cousins and head to the beach at Bear Creek Lake.

Tons of sand and clay to go around. The hot spot for Kendall? A big mud hole. The kids got nice and sandy, Nathan even cried that his ears had sand in them. Water toys and buckets. Endless carefree hours in the summer sun.

We ate lake food and had a blast watching the kids play. A good time for all ages. Even the first HIGHSCHOOLER, Gabbie had fun!

The Path to the Pool

There is a really fun pool in our backyard complete with water features and a big slide, that is too scary for Kendall. The boys have been taking swimming lessons there and now that the summer is over...they are moving up in the ranks, tiny tuna... to angelfish... to dolphin. Front stroke, back floats, and diving practice.

I get my lounge chair all set up under the shade of a little tree and watch and click away at the camera and like any other mom, I imagine that they are training to be the next Michael Phelps, and then they almost drown and I think....maybe not.

I love the early morning bike ride to get there. We pass cat tails, wildflowers and occasionally we spot a few hot air balloons in the sky. The boys explore and I wait until the last minute to call out to them to keep pedaling.

It has been one of my favorite ways to start the day this summer.

The Great Divide

There is a road trip that is almost sacred to our family. It is the way we go when we are needing to get to Farmington. It is beautiful and awe inspiring and this time as we drove the winding mountain pass, it had even more meaning. We were on that road with a broken heart driving to say goodbye...to Granny. She died on July 16th and I miss her.

I drove down with my mom and the boys and it was a sweet experience. We got out of the car and read all about The Great Divide and explored the secret mountain path by it. We stopped at the falls, watched tame chipmunks, and had a bathroom break at the "lookout". Nathan picked fresh dandelions and we ate nectarines.

I {heart} Today....

It was one of those days where you wake up and you just know it's going to be a good one. We have been drinking up long summer days and soaking in our little Hillan clan.

Justin came home from basketball to find us all still asleep in our bed. The boys and I, were stretched out basking in the morning rays coming in through the window. It was pushing 9:30 and we decided to head to the pool. Beach towels, goggles, and sunscreen in toe, we set up on some lazy lounge chairs.

The boys showed us all their "moves" they had acquired from swimming lessons and from there it went to Justin launching them into the air. They got higher and higher and gained a technique that blazed them up out of the water.

We ran over to Outback and grabbed some burgers for lunch. Back home for a few stories and little siesta. I ran some errands while Justin stayed with the boys, picked up the babysitter, and off to NuYo's for frozen yogurt and a movie. Ahhhhh, rinse and repeat.

Speed

Fun and serious. Welcome to an afternoon spent with races and high fives. Air and triumph.