It's Going Good

I wasn't sure what to expect being a mom of 3 little boys.  I think it's safe to say that it is my favorite thing I have ever done.

And I'm pretty sure this baby is the most popular "toy" we have ever had.

First Bath

 In our family it is tradition for Mammy to give the first bath.  I love and look forward to this moment so much.  I love the calming effect she has on newborns and love watching her work her magic.  She always makes sure the babies have a good experience and helps the babies grow to love bath time.

Mammy washes all the nooks and cranies and kept Cardon in a towel in the warm water so he was comfortable. After she is done she quickly gets him lotioned up and dressed.

The smell of a new born baby after their first bath should be called "Celestial Kingdom". 

One thing we all learned real quick...  Cardon does not like to be cold!

Baby Wrap

Does Cardon like the baby wrap?

No, he does not.

He prefers to be held. all. the. time.

Which is fine with us.

Welcoming Cardon

(Right before we left for the hospital)

Cardon’s Birthday

December 19, 2015

            Justin’s Feelings at the time…. I don’t know the best way to describe my feelings of the short time leading up to Cardon’s birth.  The pregnancy was hard for Alisa. I could tell it was really taking a toll on her body and her and that made me feel nervous, anxious and stressed out to say the least.  I was also extremely excited as well, because for the first time in 8 years we were going to have another baby!!  I have wanted to have another little baby for so long.  I had been living vicariously through other people’s little ones as I held them and carried them around. 

The day of the birth was a little less crazy than I thought it would be.  Alisa’s water broke early that morning and it was just trickling out so it was definitely different than before.  We didn’t end up going into the hospital until about 10a.m. that morning.  It was a little nerve racking waiting for the time to go into the hospital.  Even when it was time to go into the Hospital we were able to take our time because Alisa wasn’t having any major contractions.  They hooked her up to a monitor and started monitoring the baby.  At one point Cardon’s heart rate went way down and it was definitely scary. I knew though that everything was going to be ok with the baby as I had given Alisa blessings and knew that the baby would be healthy and strong.  It was still a little scary though.  They continued to monitor her for the next several hours and his heart rate was good to go and never faltered again.

The next several hours were kind of boring actually because I wanted our baby to be here already.  We were waiting for Alisa to go further into labor naturally, but I didn’t really want to leave the room, because I knew as soon as I did she would go into labor.  She didn’t though and it wasn’t until later that night that she finally started having more steady contractions.  In the meantime we had several discussions with the doctor expressing our wishes and letting them know her prior history with everything. 

When labor finally started all I could think about was watching the baby’s heart rate which they had a big monitor about the bed. It was great because I could stand next to her and pay attention to both the baby’s heart rate and Alisa at the same time.  Time went by pretty quick at that point after getting her on Pitocin her contractions got more regular and she started the process of getting the baby out.  The doctor was amazing as she was calm and helped Alisa be calm she also helped the baby come out naturally and not forcing him out quickly or with anything else.  This was really helpful as it allowed Alisa to have some relief without tearing.  Things went pretty smooth and Alisa was absolutely amazing.  She never screamed and even apologized to the doctor because she thought she wasn’t doing exactly was telling her to do.  Even the nurse was amazed at Alisa’s composure and her innate good nature.  She had never heard or imagined anyone apologizing giving birth.  

As soon as I saw his little wrinkly head for the first time I got really excited. I was also filled with such strong emotions for him right off the bat!  I think because I knew what a blessing he was going to be in our lives.  As he came out and were able to see him for the first time and take his first breath and cry, it was truly and overwhelming feeling.  He was so precious and somebody we had been waiting for to join our family for so long.  Heavenly Father had finally blessed us with Cardon.  After they got him the rest of the way out I got to cut the umbilical cord and stay with him from then on out.  They let him hangout on Alisa for awhile and we got to take some fun pictures.

Alisa's version of meeting Cardon...

In life there is an eb and flow of moments.  Sometimes moments are tough and you are barely able to put one foot in front of the other and sometimes moments are undescrible and you are able to bask in a glowy love you never thought possible.  The moments your children are born are the moments you have forever.  The ones you go back to on the good days and the bad.

My water broke around 4:00 am on Saturday the 19th of December.  When I woke up and told Justin and excitement filled the room.  I didn't feel any contractions like previously when Nathan was born so we just decided to take it easy and not wake up the boys.  I was able to take a shower and get ready.  I went around the house and picked up a bit for a distraction and Justin began to bring down the hospital bag and prepare to go to the hospital.

We woke up the boys at 8 and told them that today was the day they would meet their baby brother.  They could not stop squealing and hugging me.  It was sheer excitement.

We took the boys over to Mammy and Papa's and relaxed a bit before I called the hospital.  They said to come on in and they would check me to see if my water had actually broken.  If it had, I would need to have the baby within 24 hours so that risk of infection would not be a possibility.

I was not having any pain or contractions.  I was able to be present and soak in everything that was going on.  Mammy hopped in the car with us and we let a few people know we were on our way to have our baby.   I had a mix of butterflies and calm moments.

When we arrived the nurses put us in a room where they hooked up the baby's heartbeat to a monitor and checked to see if I was leaking amniotic fluid.  The nurse confirmed that I was and we were not going to leave without a baby.

I was going to have a baby today.

A baby boy.

 Justin and I were going to get to finally meet our son.

Moments later the heartbeat monitor started to beep and a flat line appeared on the screen.  Something was not right.  Mom ran out the room to meet a nurse running down the hallway into our room.  She had me change positions and the heartbeat started to come back in a rhythm that was normal.

She informed me that I would not be able to labor as I had planned and that there would be an anesthesiologist coming to talk to us in case I needed an emergency c-section.

When she left the room Justin gave me a blessing.  Comfort came immediately.  I was anxious to get this little boy here.  Safe and just here.

I switched into the labor and delivery room.

I looked over and next to me was my favorite thing.  A baby warmer with blankets and that little blue and pink hospital hat. That was magic.  Soon our little person would be laying in there.

I began to have very mild contractions and things were very slow paced.  Justin would watch the monitor behind me and let me know that the baby was doing fine during each contraction.

 Martha showed up with her bag of tricks and Mom and Martha went to Costa Vida to grab some food for them and Justin.

I was so thirsty but could only eat ice chips.

The contractions started to get more intense but were all over the place.  They could not check to see if I was dilating  because they did not want to risk infection and they did not want to start pitocin because my body was being so unpredictable.

Lots of people were called and texted and lots of prayers started.  Martha said a sweet prayer out loud and the most intense feeling of warm and peace filled the room.

Then things started to change.

It was defiantly heavenly intervention.

My contractions were smooth and regular.

 At 6:00 pm a shift change occurred and we were able to meet the Doctor that would deliver our baby.  I immediately loved her.

She had a very "take charge" attitude yet a "let nature take its course" way about her.

Pitocin was started and the contractions began to be very intense.

The lights were dimmed and the new Cinderella movie was on the TV.

It was calm and relaxing and a pretty good distraction in-between contractions. The movie ended and It was getting very intense for me for about an hour.  My body was responding and getting ready to have a baby. I was in a lot of pain.  I just closed my eyes and very quietly concentrated while Justin and Martha held my hands.

Justin's hands were strong while Martha's were comforting and Mammy offered a constant stream of encouragement. I needed that combination.

I felt pressure and a "pushy" feeling and they called in the nurse.  She checked me and said I was a 10.

The room began to buzz around us and the Dr came in to check me again.  She said I was only a 6 but because the baby was so low she would wait for two more contractions and check again.  Inside I was trying to figure out how I could stand the in-tenseness of the contractions to become a ten.

When she checked me after those two contractions she said I was now a ten and I could start to push the baby out.

He was turned on his side and was having a hard time getting past my pelvic bone. It was pretty exhausting and I just tucked into a ball.  I had to really work to get his head down.

Once his head was down she told me to stop pushing and let the contractions work the baby out. She was calm and gentle and I felt safe.

He was out in two more contractions.

His squishy face was darling.  He would not open his little eyes and kept them squinted shut.  He was adorable and perfect. He was cuter than I had ever imagined and I could instantly feel his sweetness. He was a ball of pink and all I wanted to do was kiss him.  I kissed his wet head and breathed in him and that was it...  I fell hard in love for the third time.  That feeling never gets old and oh, to go back.

I loved watching Justin and his permanent smile.  He was in full proud dad mode.  Love was spilling out from his eyes and I loved that I could see that.

Mammy was trying to figure out who he looked like and kept squealing about how cute he was.

Soon after Papa had brought in his older brothers.  I did not cry when they met each other instead I had a very calm feeling of "this feels so right" and "how did I get so lucky?"  I finally had all of my boys together. I could of watched them smile at that new baby forever.

Pretty soon it was time for our sweet, new baby to get his first shot.  A vitamin K shot. Kendall sobbed and sobbed as his new brother cried.  Nathan was sick to his stomach.  Their hearts were aching and I knew from that second that those brothers had a strong bond and would always be thick as thieves.

It was getting late and everyone soon trickled out.  We were moved to a room across the hospital and I was able to hold my little bundle right next to me for the rest of the night.  That night was a fairy tale ending and the moment is one that I will go back to often.

 The day I got to meet a miracle.

First photo as a family of FIVE!! 

Baby Boy

We have fallen in LOVE with this baby boy.

We just watch and giggle as he sucks all of his fingers and makes the sweetest noises.

 He is hardly put down and I'm pretty sure he is going to have a permanent dent on his head from all of us kissing him.

Our Christmas Present

This little one is the most magical Christmas gift anyone of us could have ever imagined.  He is very high on my list coming 11 days early.  Oh little boy, we love you and can't believe you are finally with our family. It has been a long wait. Pinch me.

Introducing...

Cardon Scott Hillan

eight pounds nine ounces

21 inches long

December 19, 2015

DECEMBER so far...

Tuesday, December 1- Justin went to the temple with his presidency and I took the boys to pack meeting.  Kendall participated in a really cute skit and their pack was dressed like "scout wolfs." After the skit Nathan and another friend were called up to be team captains and pick teams for the sheep pulling contest.  I love that Kendall was the first to be picked on Nathan's team.  They gave each other a high five and even though their team did not win, they were all smiles that night.

Wednesday, December 2- Today we all had dentist appointments at noon.  After a through cleaning for the family we all came out with good news.. NO CAVITIES!!

Thursday, December 3- For Christmas this year Justin and I opted to give his parents a memory and took them out to the Melting Pot.  I forgot how much I love that place!  The food was delicious and it was a fun atmosphere .  We sat by a lighted bubble tank and got to visit.

Friday, December 4- Justin had his work Christmas party today.  I tease him constantly and tell him that he gets to work in the Celestial Kingdom because his boss and co-workers are so amazing!  We definitely lucked out there and recognize that constant blessing every single day.  Our table won the game, "put the Night Before Christmas story in order" and each got a target gift card (which we used to get Justin a new blade for his electric razor-ha!) and had Kneaders for lunch.  It was SO yummy! At our table Justin and I sat by the Willes and the Walkers, Denver and a new guy (who was extremely good at games.)

Saturday, December 5- Today mom and I tried to make Sally Bennet's pecan logs and one word...FLOP!!  Apparently we need another lesson! Our ward party was tonight and boy was someone busy!  It was gorgeous!  The tables had jars full of batting, cranberries, and greenery. The gym was dimly lit and everyone looked so nice in their Christmas outfits.  We ate brisket, pomegranate salad, green salad, potatoes, homemade rolls with homemade jam, and apple crisp with ice cream.  My favorite part of the night was the program.  The boys got to be in the primary nativity and sing Silent night.  Kendall was a Sheppard and Nathan was the cow. It was pretty funny.  After that several people got on stage and sang silent night in different languages.  It was beautiful but we were all partial to Justin's Japanese version. I love that guys voice.  A lady next to us was Japanese and was mouthing the entire song as he sang.  It was pretty sweet.  Kendall's favorite part was the end when Santa came for a visit to all the kids! When Santa asked him what he wanted he said... A SURPRISE!!

Sunday, December 6- The boys got ready and went to church.  I wasn't feeling good and was very swollen so Justin dropped me off at Mammy and Papa's and I took a bubble bath in the jet tub.  After they got back Todd and Martha and boys came over and we we all just hung out, played games, and ate soup and salad. Todd, Mammy, and Papa, took all the boys out to see Christmas lights while Justin and I stayed home and Martha transformed into to "Doula Martha" and taught us some really neat things.  It was awesome.  We learned a ton!

Monday, December 7-  I got to go to the Doctor today.  I had a strep test (which came back negative), talked about my swelling and blood pressure, and my favorite part was getting an ultrasound.  The baby had turned head down and was sucking his chubby little hand.  He was so adorable!  You could see his sweet profile especially his lips drinking the water.  I am about to go crazy with how bad I want him here and that ultrasound deepened the craving even worse! He gets the hiccups several times a day and then gets really wiggly- like those darn hiccups wakes him up.  After he is really active he always has himself a really good nap.  I love him so much already.  Tonight we hosted a fondue party with the Hakes and Holmes Family.  It was a blast!  I love those girls and love to pick their brains.  I love the feeling of our conversations and what we always end up talking about.  So uplifting.  We had one Havarti and a Cheddar cheese fondue with ALL the dippers and a chocolate fondue with All the dippers.  The guys and kids also had plenty of laughing!

Tuesday, December 8- Today was crazy.  Crazy fun and crazy frustrating at the same time.  I had baked lemon tarts to take to the cookie exchange at 1:00.  Lets just say... of all the times I had ever made these super easy little things I had never had a problem until today.  Another FLOP.  I texted Jo who was the host, a picture, had a good laugh, and started over.  The second batch was much better.  The exchange was so fun!  The cookies and treats everyone brought were so pretty and made up such festive plates for all of our neighbors.  The boys had their choir concert that night.  It was AMAZING!  They have been working so hard on it.  Kendall had some lines in addition to his songs and Nathan was able to play the cello and had a singing part with 3 of his classmates.  You can tell that the kids loved what they were singing and sung the roof off the church we were at.  At the end of the program the audience sang all 3 verses of silent night with all the kids.  Pretty neat!

Wednesday, December 9- Justin took me to Sky Ridge where the baby is going to be born tonight.  We had a hospital tour. They built a new wing since Kendall and Nathan were born there.  There were about 9 couples and I was the first one due. Hopefully this sweet one will be here this month.  The new facility was incredible.  My favorite part was that it was clean and germ free.  The new rooms are huge.  It's more like a really nice resort to go and have a baby.  They have an outdoor terrace if you need fresh air, big tubs to labor in, balls, WiFi, movies, OB's on site at all times, and tons of other perks.  I'm sure when you are trying to have a baby you could care less but in the mean time it sure makes it exciting and so real.  There are so many things they do differently now.  Even since I had Kendall.  The baby is on the mother for an hour before they even take him to get his stats.  When they do take him to the warmer right next to the bed, the dad and grandma get to be there the whole time to comfort him and talk to him and help him not cry.  The first bath is 24 hours later, given by the mom because they did studies and said any earlier stresses the babies out.  At all times the baby is left with the mother.  They are not to be separated.  Pretty exciting!

Thursday, December 10- Today Kendall woke up sick.  I kept him home from school, did laundry, and took care of him.  We read stories, snuggled, (I fell asleep next to him and he recorded me snoring, stinker!) he took an Epsom salt bath, we put silver and oils on him, and rubbed him down with baby lotion.  He smelled so good! Soup and juice for lunch with a show in the family room.  He was feeling much better the next day.

Friday, December 11- Today was very laid back.  I got in a great little nap before I had to pick up the kids from school.  I exchanged Nathan's coat at Macy's (a 14-16 to a 18-20) and his belt at Kohl's.  He is way bigger than I always think!  For family fun Friday night we shaved off Justin's distinguished beard into fun shapes and mustaches.  The boys thought it was the most fun thing they could possibly do at the moment.

Saturday, December 12- Mom and I went out to dear Lynn's house.  It's one of my most favorite things in the world to do.  She worked on several things including my swelling, headaches, back,  and getting the baby ready. When I got home, I was excited to see that Justin had been bit by the nesting bug.  He installed a fan in the upstairs bathroom, fixed a few of the kitchen lights and helped me clean.  We delivered a few gifts to some friends, a freezer meal to my due date twin, Shannon, and got pizza to take back home.  We watched a movie together and fell into bed!

Sunday, December 13- We all got in our Sunday best and went up to Todd and Martha's stake conference.  Martha was speaking and it was such a great talk.  I learned that we need to "gain some spiritual weight!" We went back to Joann and Bill's house and played take 5, ate more good food, talked and laughed, and ended the night by going to the nativity exhibit.  As we walked through they had tons of musical numbers lit with soft white twinkly lights.  The spirit was so tangible and I'm so glad that both the boys could feel it.  It was a deeper meaning of  Christmas and exactly what our familyneeded.

Monday, December 14-  Mom was up at Garrett's watching the kids while they are gone so we went back to her house and worked on Lynn's blanket.  We ran a few errands including getting a soft lit lamp for the baby's room.  I was SO tired that I had a little rest before picking up the kids from school.  The boys had piano and got ready for the student Christmas recital coming up. We had fresh Bagels (thanks mom!) and eggs for dinner.  The boys got their homework done and we did a few things around the house.  I was so tired that by the time we aid family prayer, I was ready for bed!

Tuesday, December 15- We got a call from the schools at 5:00 am saying that it was a SNOW DAY!!  The best part was that we had no idea it was supposed to snow!  We all went back to sleep in my bed while Justin was brave and went to exercise. The boys have been fighting colds so I wanted to keep them in but they talked me into letting them bundle up and go sledding in the backyard for a little bit.  We made hot chocolate, watched Christmas movies, and decorated a gingerbread house.  It was a perfect day for some beautiful snow!

Wednesday, December 16- Today was a hard day.  No sugar coating it.  This was a real day and sometimes these kind of days, you would like to skip right over. I had a Doctor appointment at 9;40am.  I went and picked up Justin at work because the roads were still pretty bad and he wanted to take me.  When we got to the Doctor they checked the babies heart rate and it was 115 bpm.  She was concerned so she hooked me up to the monitors and did a stress test on the baby.  The heart rate kept dipping and got as low as 105 bpm which set off an alarm and all the nurses ran into the room.  To say I was upset was an understatement.  I was prepared to do anything I had to if needs be.  If that baby needed to get out, I could have done it without any pain medicine.  My adrenaline was through the roof and I could see the worry all over Justin's face.  They monitored me a bit more and sent me home (because the baseline heart beat was 110) until my next appointment in TWO WEEKS!  What?! I barely made it to the parking lot where I burst into tears.  They did not even check me (to see if I was dilated) or thoroughly check anything else. I was MAD at the NP and felt like the whole appointment was out of control.  Justin took me to eat some lunch at Cafe Rio and then gave me a blessing in the car.  I could not stop crying.  I was so thankful Justin was there and so thankful for the priesthood. Roller coaster day... All day long... Hormones, maybe?

Thursday, December 17- Went with dad to do a little Christmas shopping for mom.  I ended up getting a little white table for the babies room at our favorite antique shop.  I added a few finishing touches to the room including putting pictures into frames and setting up the table with a mercury glass lamp so that we would have some light in the room.  I took a great nap and made homemade caramels.  I was so happy for the boys to come home.  They had Geo Plunge Club and it was their long day...7:30-4:45.

Sledding in the Backyard

This morning we got a glorious phone call at 5:00 am.  SNOW DAY!!  We had now idea that was going to happen and welcomed it with open arms.  We all climbed into my bed and went back to sleep.

We watched Christmas movies, pulled out the coco motion for the occasion, and the boys talked me into letting them play outside for a bit- (they had been fighting colds).

They turned the second part of our yard into a sledding hill and made it complete with a jump.  They dug tunnels and played and played.

Every time they would make a cool jump or gain speed on their hill they would run in and ask me to take a video.

It was a perfect day to play!

The day before today I had terrible back pain and my feet were really swollen  (sciatic nerve pain, from baby).  I went to bed early right after putting the kids to bed.  Of course, the first thing that Kendall says when he finds out that they get a snow day is, "Oh good mom!  I get to stay home and take care of you!"

Gingerbread House

I had bought a gingerbread house to put together with the boys about a month ago.  We got to have a SNOW DAY and it seemed the perfect time to pull it out!

They got creative, went to town, and came up with the cutest little colorful house complete with an "H" for Hillan and "C" for baby Cardon.

Trimming the Tree

We have always went into the mountains and chopped down a real tree.  This year, by the time Justin called to get a permit, they were all sold out.

We have a small treee that we put up in the family room and were trying to convince the boys that it would be just fine. With the baby coming this month we really wanted to keep everything Christmas pretty simple.

They were not happy about this new arrangement and were trying to not be sad.

I later got a phone call from Mammy and Papa and they said they were not going to use their tree this year and asked if we would like to use it.  Ummm, how very sweet and convenient for us and I'm not sure that I bought that excuse.  The limits they go for their grand kids is so extremely nice.

A bit later Justin and the boys were at their house loading up their tree to bring to our living room.

After a few decorations, and small simple touches, the tree was finished and the boys could not be any happier.

I love that all the gifts under the tree are from the boys and wrapped by the boys.  They did some "making", shopping, and wrapping during Thanksgiving break just to be ready for December!